CS, 2008
sometimes i am really afraid of death and wonder if i will get to fullfill all my dreams in life… i know you will probably say this is normal but can anybody here make me feel better about it?
Response from Just a Woman that wants answers, 2008
Wow Im the same way, and when something really good happens, or I receive something I really like I think "well it wont last forever because i'll die at some point"
Hannah g, 2007
I am afraid that once you die .. where do you go? What if their isnt heaven? I think about the feeling day by day when you die you never come back to this earth ever ever ever. I just cant help it ... I dont know if Im crazy or not. Help me.
Response from Elias, 2007
There is no death. Pray to ask God for some answers, He loves you and will listen to you.
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Few things in life are a given or a sure bet. Death is. It looms around the corner and waits for us all. The thought of dying, ceasing to exist and fading into nothingness isn’t particularly pleasant. Indeed, in terms of our overarching need for survival, being afraid of the prospect of death make sense. We avoid and fear threats in order to go forth and multiply. Death is quite the threat. Suggesting we are all gripped by this intense fear would be bordering on sensationalism, but as the above online pleas for help suggest; some of us worry and struggle to live with the thought of death. Hannah g seems to worry about what will happen when she dies and Just a woman that wants answers concerns lay with all her actions becoming forgotten and meaningless in time. Elias suggests that there is no such thing as death and God will sort this all out, so there is little to worry about. Although Elias’s beliefs may be widespread, if Hannah g doesn’t buy into religion or a higher transcendence they mean very little to her. So how else can we think about or deal with death? And why are worries about death a problem?
Fearing death is very much a problem in itself. Anything that worries me, results in sleepless nights, or provokes anxiety, is problematic enough for it to raise some concern. In reviewing research examining the fear of death, psychologist Robert Neimeyer and colleagues (2005) cite numerous studies that show fear of death is associated with anxiety like symptoms. Cause and effect is difficult to entangle, but assuming that worrying about death can make one feel anxious and upset in the long term isn’t too difficult to infer. Similarly, Neimeyer and colleagues also cite evidence linking elevated fear of death with lower life satisfaction. Fearing death is far from ideal. Furthermore, there may also be some other intriguing consequences too.
Organ donation. Organ donors save lives and generally, although many people say they like the idea of donating their organs once they’ve gone, we are short on donors in the UK. Waiting lists for transplant surgery are testament to this. Why don’t people donate? One factor may be underlying fears and discomfort concerning death. In an interesting study by Lester (2005), the author reports data from 144 students showing that positive attitudes towards organ donation are significantly reduced by death fears. Whereby the more that one fears death, the less likely one is to get on board with the idea of organ donation. Organ donation makes us think about the inevitable, so perhaps those that fear the inevitable shy away from anything that promotes such thoughts; the thought of being stripped open and having our internal organs removed is a pretty good example. A final concern is also whether in some cases a fear of death might stop us from living the way we should. It might keep us inside or away from what constitutes living. Furthermore, time spent fretting about something we have zero control over seems like time wasted. Death will eventually stop us from living, but trying to ensure this only happens when ones heart stops and body shuts down, seems sensible.
So what can help quell fear of death? One potential answer is Cryogenics. Some US organisations (it would have to be) can offer me eternal life by freezing my body shortly after the time of death, with the plan to resurrect me when medical science has worked out a safe way to do so. Fool proof. One problem is that there isn’t any evidence of this working, not even on a dog or a monkey, never mind a human. The second problem is that even on the standard service package provided by a run of the mill cryogenics institute, it is going to put me back $45,000. The final problem is that this whole idea is plain ridiculous. Another way of answering the question of what can help to quell death concerns is to look at what psychological strategies or ideas seem as though they might work. For this we first turn to religion.
Does religious belief buffer against the fear of death? The answer appears to be yes, providing you are quite into it. Amongst other studies, Wink and Scott (2005) have examined the relationship between religion and the fear of death in a large sample of US citizens across their life. Starting in the 1920’s and finishing at the turn of the century, the researchers tracked fear of death and religious practices from early adulthood through to old age. As is the case with other studies in the literature, the researchers found an interesting pattern. Highly religious individuals, who have firm beliefs and regularly practice, have a reduced fear of death compared to their non believing counterparts. Believing that there is a bigger picture and that there will be an afterlife (potentially involving sitting on a cloud with the “Big Man”, whilst listening to harps being played by small chubby children), looks as though it may ease fears of dying. In line with these ideas, research by Meyersburg and McNally (2011) also shows that individuals reporting memories of a ‘past life’ also have a reduced fear of death. As well as presumably being borderline insane, because of their beliefs in multiple lives these individuals probably also believe that death isn’t the end of it all.
What is also interesting from the Wink and Scott study is that individuals with only mild religious belief and practices were actually more afraid of death than non believers. Wink and Scott suggest two possible explanation. Whether this is caused by the ambiguity of whether there will be an afterlife or concerns of burning in the fiery pits of hell, alongside Satan and people who boxercise or shop on the Sabbath, mildly religious seem to fear death more than their non believing and ultra believing counterparts. Regardless of the exact causes, it would seem that it is all or nothing on the religious front when it comes to thinking about death.
One exceptionally one dimensional and not particularly practical solution to the problem of death and existential woes would simply be to really get into religion. Really go for it. But what about those who just don’t buy religion and the afterlife– what use is this to me? The big bang, fossils, Jurassic park, evolutionary theory and the abundance of bizarre and inaccurate religious claims have completely removed my glimmer of hope of an afterlife. Even if several religions came close to hitting the nail on the head, which one should I choose? If I end up with the wrong one I will make the right one jealous and although it is often the case that unavailable guys/girls are somehow more attractive, I don’t think Allah, God, Jesus, John the Baptist or Dumbledore will understand. I keep seeing people dying and subsequently rotting in the ground. Furthermore, I don’t believe I was the Earl of Sussex in a previous life. I don’t think religion is for me and don’t think much goes on when my body stops working.
So if religion isn’t for me, what else might help? Psychology might be able to. When asking friends and colleagues about their thoughts on coping with death, simple thought experiments seemed to pop up a lot. ‘You didn’t exist prior to birth and that wasn’t a problem for you’ or ‘You won’t exist so it won’t hurt or be anything to worry about’. Nice enough, but they seem to miss the mark a little and focus on the end product and ignore the feelings and concerns we have as we live. The concept of ‘Rippling’ might be more relevant. Although having appeared in many forms and names from other psychologists and philosophers, psychotherapist Irvin Yalom of Stanford University has written about its merits in some detail. An expert in death anxiety and having worked closely with both young healthy patients and end of life cancer sufferers, Yalom suggests the idea of ‘Rippling’; that every action and choice we make has the potential to positively affect those around us and their futures. This in turn can provide individuals with a sense of immortality and importance in how they live their lives, alleviating concerns of death and feelings of meaningless in life.
As the masses of psychology studies show, every action we take and the way we behave can have profound effects on others. Every action has a reaction, so to speak. Similar thoughts have been shared elsewhere. Legendary psychoanalyist Carl Jung talks in detail about man’s need for immortality and suggested several ways in which this need can be achieved. Here we will turn to two types. Biological immortality can refer to the immortality we feel as a result of parenting a child, who in turn will probably parent a further child and so on. Creative immortality is different in the sense that instead of passing our genes or ‘biology’ on, the actions we take can have profound effects elsewhere: how we shape the way that a student or colleague thinks about the world, actions we can take to improve the lives of others and the environment we live in.
Similarly, father of the study of behavioural psychology, B.F Skinner, suggested that as it is only society and the collective that continues after our death, the collectivist who has attempted to positively ‘ripple’ for the good of others and the environment surrounding them, has far less to worry about than the individual. The collectivist can take solace from the thought that others will outlive him, the contribution he has tried to make and resulting ripples. This stance on life might be a useful way to think for Just a woman to alleviate her worries and fears that everything will fade into nothingness. Our lives will eventually end, but how we exist can serve to influence how others will exist and the world we leave behind.
A final approach would be to examine why highly religious persons have a lesser fear of death. Research is still touching on this, but one interesting idea is the role of death acceptance. When reviewing the literature, Neiymeyer and colleagues suggest that accepting that death is an inevitable and important part of life should result in us being be able to view death with more meaning. Religious beliefs about the afterlife and a higher calling in life would seem to fit this criterion well, in the sense that they may reduce death anxiety by providing an overarching context for it and acceptance of its occurrence.
So perhaps adopting a similar stance on life and trying to view and accept death as a key part to living is an approach that should be taken. In support of this general idea, studies show a correlation between degree of acceptance and fear of death; whereby the extent to which death and dying are accepted is associated with fewer worries and less death fear. By definition things have to come to an end. So often in life this is the case and we learn to view them in an accepting away without too much fuss; films, holidays, days and nights. A holiday wouldn’t have context or any meaning if it were to be infinite. When viewed from this slightly different angle, death is crucial to life having any meaning at all. Death provides us with limited time and therefore provides meaning and importance to how we use this time. Of course we can’t just decide that we accept death over night, but how we view death as being part of a bigger picture may at least help a little. Maybe.
If all else fails and you are still struck with dread, you may be happier to know that time appears to be somewhat of a healer. Research by psychologists Thorson and Powell in the late eighties (and several other studies) suggests that as we approach old age the anxiety around death starts to ease. So although with age you are several steps closer to exactly what you’ve been dreading, you probably won’t care quite so much anyway – hoorah!
If this, rippling, or changing the way we think about the meaning that we attach to our lives and the dying process, does not soften the blow of your impending death then I am out of ideas.
Application
Find meaning in life and dying. Ripple
Hannah g - please spend less time worrying about death and more time punctuating.
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